While having a child is the most wonderful and meaningful event in one’s life, predictably, it changes your relationship in profound ways.
There is no longer just the two of you, you are now responsible for another life, and the attention and care are no longer just with you and your partner.
Even the best relationships go through a major adjustment following a birth of a child. Relationships that are already strained become more strained.
A particular area of married life that is mostly challenged is your romantic and love making relationship. There is a multitude of reasons for this: sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, juggling work and family life, anxiety about taking care of a newborn, family pressures, etc.
Women experience lower making love urge and desire after giving birth, changes in body appearance, and many simply don’t think about making love. Typically making love activity diminishes as things get closer to delivery as well as right after birth. It is important not to let that derail you from each other.
Here are some ideas on bringing excitement and romance to your marriage after a baby.
• Make sure you carve out at least one night a week to be out of the house with your partner. Do something fun, just the two of you. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme, even a walk or a glass of wine in one of your old hangouts.
• Deliberately think of some fun things to do or things you used to do before.
• If possible check into a hotel room for a night, once every couple of months.
• When possible spend some time together after you baby is asleep, don’t use that time as an opportunity to be on the phone, computer or do something other than being with your partner.
• Enlist your family, friends or babysitter to give you time to go away for a weekend at least 2-3 times a year. These weekends will be priceless in keeping your marriage viable.
• Do not stop spending time with friends and do at least some of the things you used to do, watch a movie, concert, etc.
• Make sure you think about your sexual connection and make space and time to connect, even if this requires some planning or conscious effort. You don’t want to become complacent and don’t make love in your marriage.
• Deliberately make sure you are thinking about your partner and ensure that he or she is not feeling neglected, unimportant, undesired.
• Don’t forget to touch and kiss each other often. Giving all your affection to your new baby is easy.
• Pay attention to your appearance and make an effort to look good to your partner even if it doesn’t seem necessary.
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