Have you ever taken a moment to think what dating must be like for… men? Many women believe, when it comes to dating, men hold all the cards. This could be because they’ve been rejected by men in the past, been played or cheated on by men, or simply brought up to believe that’s just the way it is. Whether or not you think men have the power overall, I write today to increase your awareness of some ways in which men definitely do not have the power.
Many of these may never have even occurred to you. The more you can understand men and where they are coming from, the more success you’ll have in dating and forming relationships with them. So, here’s 3 disadvantages men have in dating you might never have previously considered.
1. Men have to risk rejection a lot more than women
If there’s a standout advantage women have, this has to be it.
The fact is, women must deal with a lot less rejection in dating than men. If a woman is unwilling to make a move on a man, she can sub communicate to him she wants him to make one, without risking a real rejection. If that doesn’t work, a different man will try his luck. She can meet and get chatting to a lot of men, without having to risk a direct rejection. While women are just as vulnerable to rejection, once in a relationship, a woman can have a successful dating life, without ever being rejected. She may not have quite as many options, but she’ll still have options, especially if she knows how to give men proper green lights.
If a man doesn’t – at some point – ‘man’ up and make a move, then generally he’s going home alone. No matter how much he gives a woman eye contact, it will usually be him who has to walk over, him who has to kiss her, and him who has to ask her out to lunch.
Even if he’s not approaching you in a bar, wherever he meets you, he still must take the risk in asking you out. For many men, confidence does not come naturally. Unfortunately, in dating, where men must risk rejection regularly to have success, confidence is required. This can be a huge, sometimes insurmountable, obstacle for some men to overcome.
No matter how you cut it, for men to get results in dating, they have to risk rejection much more than women. Remember this next time you’re getting frustrated with a guy’s hesitancy to make a move on you and help him out by making sure you make your signals to him clear.
2. Men cannot get a date or romantic attention easily
If a woman wants a date, sex, or even just a little ego kick, it’s not exactly scarce. It could be as simple as jumping on Tinder or getting dressed up to go out for the night. A woman has the security of knowing romantic attention – at least in some form – is always available, should she want it. Each time a man has to move the relationship forward, there is a chance of you rejecting him.
Spare a thought for men, who, even if they jump online or go out, are not guaranteed any of the above. A man always has to risk rejection to earn a date or more from a woman. Many men, especially those who are good guys but aren’t necessarily confident or good looking, never know where their next hit of romantic attention might come from.
3. Society puts enormous pressure on men to be good with women
Like it or not, more pressure is on men to have skills with women than the other way around. Growing up, boys who can flirt and interact with the girls are heroes by their friends, whereas girls who show extraordinary social skills with men are often shamed by their jealous peers. The underlying message given to men is that they are not a true man and should be ashamed if they cannot attract a woman.
Take a moment to think about the gravity of pressure this message puts on men.
If a guy is around his mates at a bar, how does this pressure effect the chances of him approaching you?
He’s likely to shy away, not wanting to risk failure at something so ‘important’ in front of his friends.
If he’s sober, and you reject him harshly when he asks you out respectfully, how is he going to feel?
Probably, like never approaching another woman again and taking his feelings of rejection out on women in the future.
And, if a guy isn’t good with women, what is he likely to believe about himself?
“I’m not much of a man; I’m pathetic.”
The underlying message given to men is that they are not a true man and should be ashamed if they cannot attract a woman.
So, before you go saying things like, “Well, I wouldn’t date any guy who doesn’t have the confidence to approach me,” take the time to understand where he is coming from and how much pressure society puts on him to be good with women. If you’re giving resting bitch face or turning your back, he might be the perfect guy for you and a great person, but he’s never going to approach you.