Still hurting from a past relationship and wish you could move on with your life? In this article we take a look at what you need to do to forgive, forget and stop hurting so that you’re ready to love again.
People are always telling us that before we can love someone else, we must first of all love ourselves. And they’re right. If you can’t love yourself, you’ll be doing your next relationship a massive disservice. Without realising it, you could easily sabotage it. When he wants to get closer to you, you push him away. When he compliments you, you discard it. Finally, when he wants to get intimate with you, you just feel cold, distant and even ugly. You just can’t give him the love he needs from you.
The first step to loving yourself again and opening yourself up to love involves moving on from your past relationship. As you know, this isn’t easy. It’s why you’re reading this today. Maybe you still feel bruised by a messy break-up. Perhaps you can’t stop thinking about your ex-partner and what may have been.
Scars that ran deep take time to heel. But know this: You can get over this. You can move on and love again. Let’s take a look at how to do it.
1. Focus On What Went Wrong
Here at Lovers Tips we prefer to be positive and focus on the things that can go right, rather than the things that can go wrong. But sometimes we all have a tendency to look back at a past relationship and idealise it too much. We remember only the good times, and it makes us tearful. We want that magic back again.
Rarely do we think about the bad times, which indeed are often the reasons why the wheels fell off the relationship in the first place.
Don’t focus too much on the happy times, as doing so can cloud your judgement and prejudice your interpretation of what happened in the relationship. Remember that things ended for a reason. Maybe you guys argued too much, or perhaps your values just didn’t match up.
It’s easy to get sentimental when things come to an end and wish that we could go back. But don’t idealise your past relationship. Think about what would really happen if you went back. Think about the arguments that would flare up again, and the disagreements you two had. Remember why the relationship ended in the first place. Do you really want to go back to that?
2. Focus On Your Future
Focusing on your past relationship means that you’re living in the past and preventing yourself from moving forwards with your life. Doing this means that your future won’t be as glowing as it could be.
It’s important to remember that your future still exists, and that it’s up to you to make it as bright as possible. If you continue to dwell on what happened, your future won’t be as exciting as it could be.
Take some time to write down some plans for the future. Set some goals. Picture how you want your life to look like in a years’ time. Give yourself something new to look forward to.
3. Slowly Cut Down Your Contact With Them
Some people prefer to go cold turkey when it comes to cutting contact with ex partners. But not everyone finds it easy to say goodbye so suddenly.
At the same time, acting as though your ex partner is someone you can can still text at any hour you want is a bad idea. It’ll give you false hope that things could one day go back to the way they was.
Try to slowly reduce your contact with them. Text less. Disable Facebook if you think that will help. The less you contact them over time, the easier it will be to move on from them.
4. Forgive And Forget
If you’re hurting from a bad breakup and find yourself blaming the other person for what went wrong, it’s important that you learn to forgive and forget them.
We understand that this is hard to do. A part of you might even want to get back at them by not forgiving them. But the truth is that, by not forgiving them, you’re hurting yourself as much as you’re hurting them. You aren’t giving yourself a chance for closure.
If you can’t bring yourself to forgive someone, you’re still letting them keep a hold over you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean they get away with what they did; instead, it means that you get a chance to move on.
Forgive, forget and give yourself the peace of mind you ultimately deserve.
5. Smile That It Happened
How many times are we guilty of getting upset because something has ended? Rarely do we remember to appreciate the fact that it happened in the first place.
But happen it did. And you know what? It shaped you into the person you are today.
So spend some time celebrating the happy memories you shared together. Smile at the love you had. Be grateful that the cosmos blessed you with this relationship, and that the experience has brought you to where you are today, brighter, more learned and ready to take on whatever the future has in store for you.
6. Embrace Being Single
Have you given yourself the chance to embrace being single since your breakup? If you haven’t, now is your opportunity.
There are many advantages to being single. When you’re single, you get to do all the things you couldn’t when you were in a relationship. Your money is all for yourself. You can go out dancing with your friends whenever you want, returning home whenever you want.
You can make big decisions about your career and finances without worrying what the effects will be on someone else. You can jump on a plane and go travelling wherever you want, whenever you want.
You’re responsible only to yourself for now. Do the things you’ve been putting off and get yourself ready for a new love.