I think, in consideration of today’s cultural tendencies and mindsets, the common mistakes we make when choosing a life partner is expecting someone to fit perfectly into our lives as we’ve built them out into our early and mid adulthood.
Then when we start to notice the jagged edges and areas of disconnect, we find it far too easy to walk away. “Someone else will fit, right?”
We are encouraged to build ourselves and our independent lives, ambitions and habits first. We learn to love ourselves, first. We learn to support ourselves, first. We learn to prioritize ourselves, first. This is an understanding I have shaped my own life around, prioritizing my independence and my personal understanding, in order to firmly establish my sense of self, before I settle down with someone else.
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I’ve always assumed I won’t consider marriage until my late twenties or early thirties. I am 20 plus and I feel very young and in a great place to continue chasing my career ambitions and exploring connections as I see fit. Yet, with this in mind, I also know that I am building a life that will be more difficult to fit and align seamlessly with a partner, later down the road.
As I’ve said before, when we work to fulfill other elements of our lives first (education, careers, wanderlust etc.), we are pushing back our romantic timeline. We aren’t settling down at 20–25 anymore, generally speaking. We aren’t experiencing initial trials of adulthood with a partner, as a team; instead, we are navigating them for ourselves.
This helps us to become strong, independent individuals firmly rooted in our habits, best practices, personal desires and our understanding of self. In fact, almost every date I’ve been on in recent time my companion has commented, “You have a very sure sense of self.” This is something I am proud of, and a developed trait which I admire in others.
Below are some common mistakes people makes in looking for a life partner
10 common mistakes in looking for a life partner
1. Being too influenced by appearance.
2. Looking for the opposite kind of people, hoping that it will finally work.
3. Overestimate or underestimate ourselves.
Read Also: 6 Ways of Building Trust in a Relationship
4. Avoiding too many important topics in the beginning, because we don’t want to scare the other, and only relax a bit. Then it ends that we don’t know the basic things about each other and we discover them too late.
5. Not considering the priorities in life of the other, or wrongly assuming they are pretty similar to ours.
6. Attempting to be somebody that we think the other could like more in the beginning of the relationship.
7. Accepting too many compromises, or accepting no compromises at all. In a balanced relationship you are neither the strong nor the weak part, there must be a balance.
8. Not considering differences in general.
9. Hoping that this time will be the right time, when we already have some doubts in the beginning, doubts you are not speaking about.
10. Not considering the cultural differences. I am not speaking about racism, but every culture – even of two close African countries – is pretty different and consider the same thing in different ways. There are different concepts of respect, of loyalty, of friendship, of… everything.
There are many other mistakes, of course, but these are the 10 common ones I know and if you still have more, you can add it using the comment box.